please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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