God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
