I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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