i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
