Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
