i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
