Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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