Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
