i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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