Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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