ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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