I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
