This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
