he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
