theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We left the knife in your bed.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Still dying that you shit outside
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
