Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
