Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
