i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
