I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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