RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Alive.
So much puke
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
