haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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