you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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