I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
