btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
