I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
