You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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