Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
