I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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