i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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