I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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