I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
