Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
