My liver just broke up with me...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
