I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
it was like eating out sand paper
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
