Someone shit on the floor
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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