i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
