You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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