ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
