hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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