never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
