I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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