when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
