he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
