the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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