Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
