I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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