I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
