You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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