Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
