sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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