If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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