kristin has been a bad kristin
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
