And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
