Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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